Following directions is a part of everyday life for everyone, young and old alike. So, learning to intelligently follow directions is a skill they need to learn very early on. When children truly understand how to follow directions, they keep themselves under control, they avoid power struggles, and they stay safe.
Over the years, I have seen children in my class cover a wide range in their ability to follow instructions, from not being able to follow a simple request to perfectly following multi-step directions. And what I have noticed is that most often those children who cannot follow directions have parents who do not understand the proper way to give them.
So where are most parents going wrong? What makes a good direction? There are whole books written on this subject, but for children, it comes down to these 4 things:
- Get the child’s attention
- Provide a clear, concise request
- Observe how they carry out the request
- Finish with consequences: praise for good work and discipline for bad behavior
Getting the child’s attention is the critical first step, since no child is ever just sitting by your side waiting to be told to do something. You need to go over by them, say their name, and make clear eye contact. Pretty much the opposite of that is often the case, whereby you call out a direction to your child without looking up from what you are doing.
Once you have their attention, how you phrase your direction will basically determine whether they will successfully carry it out. First, what you ask them to do must be appropriate to their age and abilities. Asking them for something that they either don’t understand or are not physically capable of never works. Second, form your direction as a clear, concise statement that describes what you want and by when you want it done. Do not phrase it as a question (“Would you please put your blocks away?”) because this gives them the opportunity to say no. Instead, phrase it as a statement (Please put your blocks away.”). Also, only use inclusive terms such as “Let’s…” when you are going to help. And lastly, always give the direction in a polite, respectful, and neutral tone. Do not start out with a threat (“If you do not put your dishes away right now, you cannot ride your bike outside”). Instead, make it positive (“Please put your dishes away and then you can ride your bike”). Raising your voice or barking orders only teaches them to do the same. Remember, they learn by imitating your behavior.
After you have given them the direction, watch them as they carry it out. If they are not doing what you believe you asked, think it through and adjust the direction accordingly. Maybe they are doing what they thought they heard, and you only need to clarify your directions. If they are not following it because they are testing their limits (which is how they learn), either with a bad attitude or by stalling, or by immediately undoing what your request after it is done, then you need to move to the last step, adding consequences.
Every time a child is asked to do something there should be consequences, both positive and negative. Consequences should be immediate and appropriate, letting them know how they did. Give positive praise, like a “Great job!” or a fist bump, high five, or a hug when you see they completed your direction.
If your request is not being followed, provide a warning and an appropriate discipline. And if this does not change their behavior, follow through immediately so that they associate the discipline to what they did wrong.
As you get better at giving directions, your child will get better at following them. There are lots of fun ways to teach your child to follow directions. Let your child help you while you are cooking or baking. Explain why it is so important to follow the recipe so that their favorite cookies turn out yummy. We bake many things in our preschool. I have had many parents ask if their child actually ate the pumpkin muffins or the “ants on a log” made out of celery, cream cheese and raisins, because there is no way their child would eat that kind of food at home. There are also several games that introduce directions and then add multiple steps. Games we played in my school to help with directions were “Simon Says”, “Red Light, Green Light”, and “Follow the Leader.”
Additional information can be found at: Steps Home | Giving Directions | Essentials | Parenting Information | CDC
